I love God. I love His intelligent plans. I love when He gives me things I ask for, like my fiancé, but attaches strings that are directly connected to Him. There is absolutely no way I can make Josh my god without being completely unsatisfied. There is no way Josh and I can meet each other’s needs without meeting our own need of God first. If one of us or both of us aren’t seeking God, our relationship suffers. It’s AWESOME! And if one of us is seeking God, we get to be Christ to the sinner (ha). Marriage is going to be miserably wonderful. I don’t know if most couples are like this, but looking at the divorce rate I’m going to say yes. People need God, especially to survive marriage. Unfortunately, we’re too prideful and selfish to admit it.
I did a lesson in prayer groups on the roles of women/what qualities please God. 1 Peter 3:1-2 got my attention and has posed a challenge to me. ”Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” How am I conducting myself, especially when Josh may not be “worthy” of my respect? Is my conduct so pleasing it could win him over? Or am I going to nag and complain and belittle him? I’ll be honest, I am terrified of what can come out of my mouth in the midst of anger and stress. I know I am capable of being absolutely evil and I know the power I have over Josh. Like in Proverbs 31:11-12, “The heart of her husband trusts in her…” I’m scared I won’t be able to uphold the second part, “…She does him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” But God is sanctifying me-and He will use marriage to get to the deep down nasty parts of me. Scary, yet exciting.
I have been studying Love and Respect during a small group and being a wife who respects her husband even when he doesn’t “deserve” it is a hard task, but oh so necessary as we strive to be more like Christ in our marriage. It’s good that you realize now what hard work marriage will be (take it from a 10 year veteran).
I keep checking in to see how the wedding plans are coming and can’t wait to see pictures. Wish we could have been there – but that is usually a haying weekend for Jeff. Take care and enjoy some of these last few weeks before you are Mrs. Long.